I am walking to class and suddenly get a phone call. It’s my girlfriend, and she says she wants to see me, but she has to wake up very early in the morning. After class, I walk back to my apartment and find that she’s there. We talk, flirt, and eventually sleep together. It feels really intimate and really brings out my emotions, I feel really connected to her in these instances. She falls asleep, I set an alarm for 8AM (this number is always vividly in my head when I wake up?). I go to my bathroom and wash up, but I’m not tired. I decide to go out with some friends. When I look at my phone it’s 9AM and I begin to freak out, I realize I forgot to wake her up and I start panicking (this is also very weird to me?). I rush to my apartment to wake her up and tell her how sorry I am for forgetting to wake her up on time.
When I get back to my apartment, I see that my door is open. I walk in thinking she has already left and feel relieved. When I come inside, I go to my room to make sure she’s awake. As I approach my door, it’s slightly cracked and I can see inside. It’s my girlfriend, and she’s having sex with another man. He sees me and instantly freaks out himself and storms out, glaring at me but not saying a word. I walk in to question her about what just happen. I’m furious, livid even. She interrupts me and tells me “if you say anything to anyone else about this I’m going to tell them that you raped me.” Instantly I feel confused, horrified, how could I do such a thing to anyone? How could you think this intimacy was forced upon you? How could you think this way? You cheated on me? As these thoughts rush in my head I immediately wake up, it’s the middle of the night, I feel completely wide awake. I can feel so much adrenaline and feel horrified at the same time. I always usually have to run to the kitchen to get a drink or even watch TV to get my mind off what just happened.